He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
