I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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