I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
