I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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