In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
