Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
