We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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