She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
