It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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