Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
