I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
