we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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