Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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