I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine