party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
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masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.