ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
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We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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