Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
