Fine. I'll sleep in my office
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
