i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
