"it" just moved
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize