She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
