Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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