you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
