we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
