just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
