Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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