i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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