I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
