I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So many bounce houses so little time
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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