I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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