literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We left an ass print on the piano.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
