My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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