highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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