i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
