it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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