Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
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