careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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