i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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