What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
