she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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