Taylor Swift is so right about you.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
