I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My vagina is very pro this idea
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
