don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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