remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
