He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
sarcasm needs its own font
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
