it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
