so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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