Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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