can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
