She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Randomize
