he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
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I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
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Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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