...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
