I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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