this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
