Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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