I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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