hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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