Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
