I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
