The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
