so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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