Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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