nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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