Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
