As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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