I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
